That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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