Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
