Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
