Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
