apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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