i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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