I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we have pet lesbian snakes
one two three fourrrrnication!
I puked a lego.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
