Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
