Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
