my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
