god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
