we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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