i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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