Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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