Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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