he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
