By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize