Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
