How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
