He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
