I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
