we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
