you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
