It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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