Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
