Michael Bay diarrhea
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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