I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
