i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
