Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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