Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
