The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
