i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
