I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
