So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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