forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
