I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
