we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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