My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
