I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
