based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize