i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize