Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
