3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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