I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When are your genitals available?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
