why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
