Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
