I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
