my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
