seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
