i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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