So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
