Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize