Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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