Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
