the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
