They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
