im six kinds of drunk right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
