Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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