I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
