i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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