Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
