You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
