So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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