he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The uberlube is also flammable
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
