the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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