Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
