i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
