good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
