What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize