the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
